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The persistent regret I feel over certain sins, whether one, two, or more, that I have committed in the past or even recently, weighs heavily on me. Despite recognizing that these sins may not be severe, I find myself engaged in a cycle of regret and seeking forgiveness like “Ya Allah, sorry, sorry, please sorryyyy”. These feelings continue to haunt me. What could be the reason for this? What should I do to overcome it?
بِسْمِ ٱللَّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
1. Regret is a Sign of Faith
Regret is a natural and positive response, indicating awareness and a desire for repentance. It’s a sign of a living heart sensitive to wrongdoing and eager for rectification.
Hadith: Imam Ali (AS) said, “Regret over sins is enough as repentance.” (Nahj al-Balagha, Saying 417).
Quran : “And those who, when they commit an indecency or wrong themselves, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins – and who forgives sins but Allah?” (Quran 3:135).
2. Seeking Forgiveness
Continuously seeking forgiveness helps cleanse the heart and strengthens one’s connection with Allah. It is crucial to trust in Allah’s mercy and forgiveness.
Hadith : Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (AS) said, “When a believer commits a sin, he should not remain regretful. Instead, he should seek forgiveness from Allah.” (Al-Kafi, Vol. 2, Hadith 336).
Quran : “Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'” (Quran 39:53).
3. Taqwa
Embracing taqwa involves living with constant awareness of Allah, which can guide your actions and thoughts towards righteousness, reducing the tendency to sin.
Hadith : Imam Ali (AS) said, “Taqwa is the medicine for your hearts, the sight for the blindness of your spirits.” (Nahj al-Balagha, Sermon 198).
Quran : “O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims [in submission to Him].” (Quran 3:102).
4. Continuous Self-Improvement
Striving for self-improvement and making sincere efforts to change can help break the cycle of sin and regret, fostering a more positive outlook.
Hadith: Imam Ali (AS) said, “Whoever renews his repentance frequently, Allah makes his body firm on the Day of Judgment.” (Ghurar al-Hikam, Hadith 10119).
Quran : “Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Quran 13:11).
5. Time Management
Engaging in productive and righteous activities can prevent idleness, which often leads to negative thoughts and actions, including regret over past sins.
Hadith: Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (AS) said, “When you wake up in the morning, think of what you should do in the day that lies ahead.” (Bihar al-Anwar, Vol. 78, Hadith 296).
Quran : “By time, indeed, mankind is in loss, except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.” (Quran 103:1-3).
6. Patience
Patience helps manage the emotional turmoil of regret. It enables one to remain steadfast in seeking forgiveness and striving for betterment despite recurring negative feelings.
Hadith : Imam Ali (AS) said, “Patience is of two kinds: patience over what hurts you, and patience against what you covet.” (Nahj al-Balagha, Saying 31).
Quran : “O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Quran 2:153).
7. Dhikr
Regular remembrance of Allah can soothe the heart and mind, reducing the impact of regret by focusing on the present connection with the Divine.
Hadith : Imam Ali (AS) said, “He who remembers Allah frequently will have the remembrance of Allah paved in his heart, and his good deeds will be like a barrier between him and the Hellfire.” (Ghurar al-Hikam, Hadith 3188).
Quran: “Those who believe and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Quran 13:28).
8. Hope in Allah’s Mercy
Maintaining hope in Allah’s mercy is crucial. It encourages continuous effort in seeking forgiveness and improving oneself, knowing that Allah’s mercy is vast and encompassing.
Hadith : Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (AS) said, “Hope in Allah is the best refuge and the highest ambition.” (Bihar al-Anwar, Vol. 67, Hadith 96).
Quran : “And my success is not but through Allah. Upon Him I have relied, and to Him I return.” (Quran 11:88).
~Jazakallah
Kishwar, I understand your distress. The weight of regret and seeking forgiveness is a common struggle for many. The reasons for this could be:
1. *Guilt and self-blame*: You may be holding yourself to high standards, leading to excessive self-criticism.
2. *Fear of accountability*: The fear of facing Allah with your sins can evoke persistent regret.
3. *Lack of self-compassion*: You might not be practicing kindness and understanding towards yourself.
To overcome this cycle:
1. *Practice self-compassion*: Treat yourself with kindness, just as you would a friend in a similar situation.
2. *Seek professional help*: Consult a therapist or counselor to work through your feelings.
3. *Focus on positive actions*: Engage in good deeds and acts of worship to shift your focus away from regret.
4. *Practice gratitude*: Reflect on Allah’s blessings and mercies.
5. *Recite uplifting prayers*: Instead of repetitive apologies, try prayers like “Ya Allah, grant me peace and contentment” or “Ya Allah, help me grow closer to You”.
6. *Embrace Allah’s mercy*: Remember that Allah is Al-Ghaffar (The Forgiving) and Al-Rahim (The Merciful).
Remember, kishwar, that you are not alone in this struggle. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t hesitate to seek help. May Allah guide you towards peace and contentment.